Flick Flick, Flick flick
My eyes slowly open,
to reflected light from across the room,
sunlight from my kitchen windows stream in
Flick Flick
A warm wind blows in,
moving the blinds back and forth
Flick Flick, flick flick
The soft breeze feels good across my skin.
sending chills, goosebumps running
Flick Flick
Light is reflecting across a silver knife,
causing flashes of light to hit my eyes.
Flick Flick, flick flick
I stare at the knife,
never moving from my bed,
just watching the knife. move
Flick Flick,
mind and body relaxed,
never moving,
just staring at the knife.
Flick flick, flick flick
thinking about the knife,
shiny and clean.
I can't stop thinking about this knife.
Flick flick
What will it feel like,
to have my blood pouring out,
will it hurt? !
My mind races with thoughts of this knife!
Flick flick, flick flick
The sun seems to be playing Morse code across my eyes
Tap tap, dot dot dash dash or
Flick Flick, Flick Flick
Should I use the Knife?
Will It hurt?
What does it all mean?
Where did it all go wrong?
Flick Flick, Flick Flick
Phone Rings
breaking my contact with the knife
Flick Flick
it's Mom
I guess I'll think about the Knife some other time
Flick flick.
This was an actual event in my life, a few years ago. I'm sharing this for several reason. I had to get this out of my head. I can still recall this morning very well. BUT more importantly, in case ANYONE is feeling like succumbing to the abyss, stepping over the edge. DON'T, it will get better. Suicide or rather the thought of it, has followed me, for a long time. I thought about it, talked about it, and yes planned it, a couple of times. I'm glad I never went through with it, Reader TRUST me. It will get better, Little Steps. Small decisions. That's all it takes . One after the other. And most inportant, there are people who will help you,, care about you. Reach Out!
My Life is so wonderful now. I have finally put the past away. I think, I don't forget, but I can move on now. Since this day, I have journeyed all over the World! New Zealand, and France. Met some wonderful people, who have become dear friends,, reconnected with old friends, and of course, fell in love,,, with ME!!! Hopefully this was written well( I tried), enough to get my point across. Here's to making more of my dreams come true. Namarie for now
6 comments:
WOW!!! You sure know how to make a girl cry!! My heart hurts to think how tortured you must have been at that time Bri. I thank God you're mom called at just the right time and life still flows through that beautiful mind of yours. You have to remain strong and keep on living, how else will I be able to travel the world vicariously through you?!!! There I go again just thinking about myself!! LOL!!! Love You Dear Friend, Joanie
Joanie,
I'm sure this is NOt what you meant, when you suggested I update the blog. But it's something I think about quite a bit, its a shadow disappears,,, had to write it down, hope it was eloquent though,, te he he,, ego ! Max
My computer burped, I meant to say "it's a shadow that never quite disappears, " Max
I think there are certain people in this world that truly make a difference in the lives of those they touch.I believe you are one of those people. You are always so positive, despite some people's attempts to be petty or gossipy. I have never seen anyone be as caring or optimistic as you and the way you talk about your feelings and experiences with your family and especially your nephews is truly amazing. Sharing your experience on this sensitive topic is brave and you have done so in a touching and eloquent manner. I for once am glad to consider you a friend.
I meant I for one, not for once..that sounds bad..like i wasn't glad before..hehehehe
Thank you Joanie and Laura for these fantastic remarks,, makes me believe there was a reason for living,,Thank you Max
Post a Comment